You have two cows . . .
CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull -and build a herd of cows.
AMERICAN-STYLE ANARCHO-CAPITALISM: You don’t have any cows. The bank will not lend you money to buy cows, because you don’t have any cows to put up as collateral. The price of milk goes up, and when you can no longer afford milk, you steal a bottle so your children won’t starve. You are arrested, charged with theft, disorderly conduct, interfering with government sophistries, and reckless endangerment of children. You are tried, convicted, and sentenced to Life Without Parole at the new Borden’s Federal Penitentiary.
HONG KONG CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly-listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax deduction for keeping five cows. The milk rights of six cows are transferred via a Panamanian intermediary to a Cayman Islands company secretly owned by the majority shareholder, who sells the rights to all seven cows’ milk back to the listed company. The annual report says that the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Meanwhile, you kill the two cows because the fung shiu is bad.
COMMUNISM: You have two cows. You share two cows with your neighbors. You and your neighbors bicker about who has the most “ability” and who has the most “need”. Meanwhile, no one works, no one gets any milk, and the cows die of starvation.
SOVIET REPUBLIC COMMUNISM: You have two cows. The government seizes both and promises to provide you with milk. You wait in line for hours to get it. By the time you can see the store, there is no milk left, which doesn’t matter much, because what was there cost three times your monthly social credit, and was sour.
RUSSIAN FEDERATION COMMUNISM: You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government takes all the milk. You steal back as much milk as you can and sell it on the black market.
CAMBODIAN COMMUNISM: You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots you.
AMERICAN CORPORATIONISM: You have two cows. You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one. You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows using bioengineered hormones. You lobby an ignorant Congress so as to make sure that you do not have to label your milk products even if they cross state lines. You are surprised when one cow drops dead, but you work out a deal so that you can sell it to a renderer and feed it back to your herd. Some of the older second-cycle cows cannot be impregnated while others deliver twins that have to be killed and sold for pittance as vealers… You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses. Your stock goes up.
ENRONIC CORPORATIONISM: You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with the associated general offer so you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder, who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report states that the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Nobody notices until after the election, when it becomes obvious that someone has to go. You take the CFO (Cow Finance Officer) out, drug it with a prescription somnambulant, and shoot it in the head with a pistol loaded with Rat Shot, from two feet away. The COWroner, who took six weeks to decide murdered children were drowned, takes less than 24 hours to declare the CFO a suicide. You celebrate by choking on a pretzel because you don’t have any milk to wash it down.
FRENCH CORPORATIONISM: You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows. You go to lunch and drink wine instead of milk. Life is good.
JAPANESE CORPORATIONISM: You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains. Most are at the top of their class at cow school, and the suicide rate, although four times that of other countries, is low enough that the profits are still remarkable, even though you are embarrassed by the occasional public Hara-Cowri.
GERMAN CORPORATIONISM: You have two cows. You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour. Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.
ITALIAN CORPORATIONISM: You have two cows but you don’t know where they are. While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman. You break for lunch. Life is good.
RUSSIAN CORPORATIONISM: You have two cows. You count them and find you have five cows. You have some more vodka. You count them again and find you now have 42 cows. You count them again and when there turn out to be twelve cows, you stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka. You produce your 10th 5-year plan in the last 3 months. The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.
FLORIDA CORPORATIONISM: You have a black cow and a brown cow. Everyone votes for the best looking one. Some of the people who like the brown one best, vote for the black one. Some people vote for both. Some people vote for neither. Some people can’t figure out how to vote at all. Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which is the best-looking one.
NEW YORK CORPORATIONISM: You have fifteen million cows. You have to choose which one will be the leader of the herd, so you pick some fat cow from Arkansas.
ENVIRONMENTALISM: You have two cows. The government bans you from milking or killing them.
FASCISM: You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them, and sells you the milk.
FEUDALISM: You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.
SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor. You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.
PURE SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else’s cows. You have to take care of all the cows. The government gives you a glass of milk.
BUREAUCRATIC SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else’s cows. The cows are cared for by former chicken farmers. You are assigned to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The government says you will get as much milk and eggs the regulations say you should need, but the bureaucrats take it and sell it on the black market. The government denies the black market exists.
SURREALISM: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.
DEMOCRATIC SURREALISM: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. You vote people into office that put a tax on your cows, forcing you to sell one to raise money to pay the tax. The people you voted for then take the tax money, buy a cow and give it to your neighbor. You feel righteous. Barbara Streisand sings for you.
LIBERTARIAN SURREALISM: You have two cows. One has actually read the constitution, believes in it, and has some really good ideas about government. The cow runs for office, and while most people agree that the cow is the best candidate, nobody except the other cow votes for her because they think it would be “throwing their vote away.”
REPUBLICAN SURREALISM: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So?
TOTALITARIANISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and denies they ever existed. Milk is banned.
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To address the challenges related to malnutrition in Namibia, Prime Minister Nahas Angula has established the Namibia Alliance for Improved Nutrition (NAFIN), a multi-sectoral and multi-stakeholder partnership aimed at ensuring that concerted, coordinated and collaborative efforts by the government and partners lead to a reduction and eventual elimination of malnutrition and improved food security in Namibia.
Until 2010, there was only one trained nutrition professional working for the Namibian government. Currently, there is no stand-alone nutrition course at the tertiary institutions in Namibia, with nutrition integrated only as a component of the nursing degree and the Masters in Public Health at the University of Namibia in the School of Nursing and Public Health.
The revised Nutrition and Food Security Policy will guide government and its partners in delivering evidence-based and cost-effective food and nutrition interventions.
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Imagine a world where nutritious food was freely available to all babies, thereby reducing their risk of illness and enabling them to develop into healthy adults. In fact, no imagination is required: human breast-milk is free, widely available and popular. In 2010 more than 80% of mothers surveyed for the Growing Up in New Zealand study planned to breastfeed their babies, mostly for at least six months. That’s great news, as exclusive breastfeeding for that period is the best start for babies, according to the World Health Organization.
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•Pumpkin and butternut squash are incredibly rich sources of antioxidants such as Vitamins A, C, E and B-complex and minerals such as calcium, copper, potassium and phosphorus. They are mildly sweet with a great nutty flavor. Both are very versatile and can be served in sweet or savory dishes such and soups, casseroles, pies, breads, muffins and more. They can be served hot or cold, and baked, stuffed, stewed or fried. Don’t forget about the pumpkin seeds (Pepitas). They can be roasted for a healthy snack.
•Apples come in various shapes and sizes and while low in calories, they are rich in dietary fiber and abundant in phytonutrients and antioxidants, and a good source of B-complex vitamins. Heat a cored apple in the microwave for a few minutes with a sprinkle of cinnamon for a warm and delicious dessert.
•Cranberries, typically harvested in the fall months, offer many health benefits. These little berries contain high amounts of phytochemicals and antioxidants such as Vitamins C and A. Their health benefits are highest when fresh, some is lost once processed. They can be used fresh or dried in salads, sorbets, muffins, pie-fillings, breads and ice cream. With the holidays coming up, we typically see them as sauces, jams or jellies.
•Pomegranates are considered by some as a “super fruit” due to their many health benefits. This fruit is a rich source of soluble and insoluble dietary fiber, a good source of Vitamin C, vital B-complex groups such as folate, pyridoxine, vitamin K, and minerals like calcium, copper, potassium and manganese. It can be enjoyed fresh or as a juice.
•Pears, available in many varieties, shapes and sizes, are also low in calories with good dietary fiber and a moderate source of antioxidants, vitamins and minerals necessary for optimal health. Don’t forget to try Asian Pears for a sweet and crispy treat.
•Beets, known for their rich red color, are a great source of antioxidants, fiber, vitamins and minerals. Raw beets are an excellent source of folate, however it decreases once this tuber is cooked. The top greens are also an excellent source of vitamin C. Beets are great hot or cold and can be roasted or boiled for a variety of serving methods. Once roasted, they have a wonderful, slightly sweet flavor and mix well with a roasted veggie medley.
•Eggplant is a versatile fall favorite that is a good source of fiber, folate, potassium, manganese, vitamins, C, K, and B complex. This vegetable can be used in casseroles, dips or dishes such as Eggplant Parmesan or ratatouille.
• Do not forget leafy green vegetables that are grown through fall. Collard greens, spinach, kale and Swiss chard are rich sources of antioxidants such as Vitamins C, A, K and B-complex. They also contain copper, calcium, potassium, iron, manganese and phosphorus. There are many ways to serve these healthful beauties such as raw in salads or cooked as side dish. Try kale chips instead of potato chips for a low calorie and healthy snack. Lightly spray clean leaves with olive oil and bake in the oven at 275 degrees for about 20 minutes until crispy. Sprinkle lightly with sea salt and enjoy.
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Nutrition is often an integral part of the quality of life before, during and after a cancer diagnosis. One of the best things you can do before ever being diagnosed with cancer or before treatment starts (besides maintaining a healthy weight) is consuming a diet rich in antioxidants, which are cancer-cell fighting nutrients.
The best sources of antioxidants are fruits, vegetables and whole grains. The fiber in these foods will also help you fill up on fewer calories, essential for maintaining a healthy weight.
Increased cancer risk is also associated with excess weight and lack of sufficient physical activity (less than 150 minutes of physical activity per week).
To find out if you are overweight or obese, you must first find your body mass index. To calculate your BMI, take your weight in pounds, divide by your height in inches, and divide by your height in inches again. Finally, multiply this number by 703. For example, if you weigh 150 pounds and stand 66 inches tall (5 foot 6 inches), then your BMI is 24.2 (150 ÷ 66 ÷ 66 × 703 = 24.2), which is considered healthy.
If your BMI is less than 18.5, you are considered underweight; 18.5 to 24.9 is considered healthy, 25.0 to 29.9 is overweight and 30.0 or greater is obese. BMI is only an estimate, not a rule; however, it is a helpful tool in gauging whether your weight may be putting you at risk for developing cancer or other diseases such as type 2 diabetes and cardiovascular disease.
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Across West Africa, families struggle to provide young children with sufficiently diversified diets composed of the nutritious foods needed to provide the essential amino acids as well as micro- and macro-nutrients required for proper growth and development.
Getting the right nutrients in the right quantity is of utmost importance for children’s health and nutrition. Good nutrition is therefore not just a matter of sufficient quantity, but also adequate quality of food. Without the right type of nutrients in the right quantity, a child’s body fails to grow properly, which can lead to stunting, wasting, and micronutrient deficiencies. The first two years of a child’s life are a particularly important period; because this is a time of rapid growth, children’s nutrient needs are high.
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When the Shaker Heights company PurUS Health LLC launched its Good Greens bars last year, they were filling a need in the market for a bar with a fairly small and recognizable ingredient list, one that was low in sugar and fat and reasonable in calories, plus high in antioxidants. It’s a bar that tastes pretty good, too.
The market responded. Three of the Good Greens flavors hold the No. 1, 2, and 3 rank in nutrition bar sales in the Cleveland metro area. Good Greens says its bars offer 100 percent of the daily fruit and vegetable requirement through its proprietary Z-52 superfood powder, which contains vitamins, dehydrated fruits and vegetables.
The bars — which are raw, vegan, gluten-free and low-glycemic acquired a fan in Dr. Roy Buchinsky, wellness director for University Hospitals Ahuja Medical Center. He considers them healthy and likes how they taste, so he introduced them in the cafeterias at University Hospitals.
“Some of the components of the bars have been shown to have clinical benefits with regard to how the body functions,” Buchinsky says. “It’s something I can comfortably recommend to my family and my patients.”
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Jeanne Louise Calment (21 February 1875 – 4 August 1997) was a French supercentenarian who had the longest confirmed human lifespan in history, living to the age of 122 years, 164 days
Calment’s remarkable health presaged her later record. At age 85 (1960), she took up fencing, and continued to ride her bicycle up until her 100th birthday. She was reportedly neither athletic, nor fanatical about her health. Calment lived on her own until shortly before her 110th birthday, when it was decided that she needed to be moved to a nursing home after a cooking accident (she was having complications with sight) started a small fire in her house. However, Calment was still in good shape, and continued to walk until she fractured her femur during a fall at age 114 years 11 months (January 1990), which required surgery.
Calment smoked from the age of 21 (1896) to 117 (1992), though according to an unspecified source, she smoked no more than two cigarettes per day. After her operation, Calment needed to use a wheelchair. She weighed 45 kilograms (99 lb) in 1994.
Calment ascribed her longevity and relatively youthful appearance for her age to olive oil, which she said she poured on all her food and rubbed onto her skin, as well as a diet of port wine, and ate nearly one kilogram of chocolate every week.

Many of society’s most devastating diseases — cancer, cardiovascular disease, diabetes and Alzheimer’s, to name a few — share a common denominator: faulty angiogenesis. William Li presents a new way to think about treating cancer and other diseases: anti-angiogenesis, preventing the growth of blood vessels that feed a tumor. The crucial first (and best) step: Eating cancer-fighting foods that cut off the supply lines and beat cancer at its own game.

Make the stove and the insulating bricks.