Sharing the Ascension Experience
Judi is speaking to her psychiatrist. Judi: “I’m on the road a lot, and my clients are complaining that they can never reach me.” Psychiatrist: “Don’t you have a phone in your car?” J: “That was a little too expensive, so I did the next best thing. I put a mailbox in my car. P: … Read more
The major newspapers, recently published a new photograph of distant galaxies colliding. Of course, astronomers have had pictures of colliding galaxies for quite some time now, but with the vastly improved resolution provided by the latest Space Telescope, you can actually see the lawyers rushing to the scene. . .
One sunny day a rabbit came out of her hole in the ground to enjoy the fine weather. The day was so nice that she became careless and a fox snuck up behind her and caught her. “I am going to eat you for lunch!”, said the fox. “Wait!”, replied the rabbit, “You should at … Read more
Let’s say a guy named Roger is attracted to a woman named Elaine. He asks her out to a movie; she accepts; they have a pretty good time. A few nights later he asks her out to dinner, and again they enjoy themselves. They continue to see each other regularly, and after a while neither … Read more
A lawyer and two friends, a Rabbi and a Hindu holy man, had car trouble in the countryside and asked to spend the night with a farmer. The farmer said, “There might be a problem; you see, I only have room for two to sleep, one of you must sleep in the barn. “No problem,” … Read more
Laws of Forbidden Places Of the beasts of the field, and of the fishes of the sea, and of all foods that are acceptable in my sight you may eat, but not in the living room. Of the hoofed animals, broiled or ground into burgers, you may eat, but not in the living room. Of … Read more
The Pope dies & goes to heaven. He’s met by the reception committee, and after a whirlwind tour he is told that he can enjoy any of the myriad recreations available. He decides that he wants to read all of the ancient original texts of the Holy Scriptures, and spends the next eon or so … Read more
According to inside contacts, the Japanese banking crisis shows no signs of ameliorating. If anything, it’s getting worse. Following last week’s news that Origami Bank had folded, we are hearing that Sumo Bank has gone belly up and Bonsai Bank plans to cut back some of its branches. Karaoke Bank is up for sale and … Read more
The following are excerpts from the Hickphonics/English dictionary: HEIDI – noun. Greeting. HIRE YEW – Complete sentence. Remainder of greeting. Usage: Heidi, hire yew?” BARD – verb. Past tense of the infinitive “to borrow.” Usage: “My brother bard my pickup truck.” JAWJUH – noun. The State north of Florida. Capitol is Lanner. Usage: “My brother … Read more
A man walks into a doctor’s office. He has a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and a banana in his right ear. “What’s the matter with me?” he asks the doctor. The doctor replies, “You’re not eating properly.”