Hickphonics

The following are excerpts from the Hickphonics/English dictionary:
HEIDI – noun. Greeting.
HIRE YEW – Complete sentence. Remainder of greeting. Usage: Heidi, hire yew?”
BARD – verb. Past tense of the infinitive “to borrow.” Usage: “My brother bard my pickup truck.”
JAWJUH – noun. The State north of Florida. Capitol is Lanner. Usage: “My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck.”
BAMMER – noun. The State west of Jawjuh. Capitol is Berminhayum. Usage: “A tornader jes went through Bammer an’ left $20,000,000 in improvements.”
MUNTS – noun. A calendar division. Usage: “My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck, and I ain’t herd from him in munts.”
THANK – verb. Ability to cognitively process. Usage: “Ah thank ah’ll have a bare.”
BARE – noun. An alcoholic beverage made of barley, hops, and yeast. Usage: “Ah thank ah’ll have a bare.”
IGNERT – adjective. Not smart. See “Arkansas native.” Usage: “Them Bammer boys sure are ignert!”
RANCH – noun. A tool used for tight’nin’ bolts. Usage: “I thank I left my ranch in the back of that pickup truck my brother from Jawjuh bard a few munts ago.”
ALL – noun. A petroleum-based lubricant. Usage: “I sure hope my brother from Jawjuh puts all in my pickup truck.”
FAR – noun. A conflagration. Usage: “If my brother from Jawjuh don’t change the all in my pickup truck, that thing’s gonna catch far.”
TAR – noun. A rubber wheel. Usage: “Gee, I hope that brother of mine from Jawjuh don’t git a flat tar in my pickup truck.”
TIRE – noun. A tall monument. Usage: “Lord willin’ and the creek don’t rise, I sure do hope to see that Eiffel Tire in Paris sometime.”
RETARD – Verb. To stop working. Usage: “My grampaw retard at age 65.”
FAT – noun, verb. 1. a battle or combat. 2. to engage in battle or combat. Usage: “You younguns keep fat’n, n’ ah’m gonna whup y’uh.”
RATS – noun. Entitled power or privilege. Usage: “We Southerners are willin’ to fat for are rats.”
FARN – adjective. Not local. Usage: “I cuddint unnerstand a wurd he sed….mus’ be from some farn country.”
DID – adjective. Not alive. Usage: “He’s did, Jim.”
EAR – noun. A colorless, odorless gas: Oxygen. Usage: “He cain’t breathe….give ‘im some ear!”
BOB WAR – noun. A sharp, twisted cable. Usage: “Boy, stay away from that bob war fence.”
JEW HERE – Noun and verb contraction. Usage: “Jew here that my brother from
Jawjuh got a job with that bob war fence cump’ny?”
HAZE – a contraction. Usage: “Is Bubba smart?” “Nah….haze ignert. He ain’t thanked but a minnit ‘n ‘is laf.”
SEED – verb, past tense of “to see”.
VIEW – contraction: verb and pronoun. Usage: “I ain’t never seed New York, view?”

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