Sharing the Ascension Experience
* Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii? * Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes? * Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there? * Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime? * Have you ever imagined a world with … Read more
If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried. A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking. Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it. For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism. He who hesitates is probably right. Never do card tricks … Read more
If Yoko Ono married Sonny Bono, she’d be Yoko Ono Bono. If Dolly Parton married Salvador Dali, she’d be Dolly Dali. If Bo Derek married Don Ho, she’d be Bo Ho. If Oprah Winfrey married Depak Chopra, she’d be Oprah Chopra. If Cat Stevens married Snoop Doggy Dogg, hey! it’s the ’90’s!, he’d be Cat … Read more
When a cat is dropped, it always lands on its feet, and when toast is dropped, it always lands with the buttered side facing down. I propose to strap buttered toast to the back of a cat; the two will hover, spinning inches above the ground. With a giant buttered cat array, a high-speed monorail … Read more
A North Carolina man, having bought several expensive cigars, insured them against… get this… fire. After he had smoked them, he then decided that he had a claim against the insurance company and filed. The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason that the man had consumed the cigar normally. The man sued. … Read more
Every year ga-zillions of visitors flock to the District of Columbia to soak up the majesty of the nation’s capitol. You’ll notice they stop frequently in heavy traffic to consult the map, hail taxicabs in the middle of the Teddy Roosevelt bridge, drop ice cream on the Metro and leave it there, form lines for … Read more
1. A few clowns short of a circus. 2. A few fries short of a Happy Meal. 3. An experiment in Artificial Stupidity. 4. A few beers short of a six-pack. 5. Dumber than a box of hair. 6. A few peas short of a casserole. 7. Doesn’t have all her Corn Flakes in one … Read more
[E]very mechanism that is characterized by extreme complexity and automatism, combined with a far-reaching range and unity, must inevitably conceal the originative mind from every intelligence that is far below its own capacity, and must therefore appear to such an intelligence as wholly “mindless”, although its real nature may be quite the reverse. —J. E. … Read more
Here we have not to do with the union of absorption, but with a union that grows out of reciprocal intercourse, a union of heart and will and intellect; and such a union is possible only between personal beings. Only the personality of God makes possible the union of communion with him. —Albert C. Knudson … Read more
Now and again a great religious teacher lays bare the secrets of his inmost spirit, less for the conviction of opponents than for the confirmation of kindred souls . . . —J. R. Illingworth (1894)
