Sharing the Ascension Experience
Young man Murphy applied for an engineering position at an Irish firm based in Dublin. An American applied for the same job and both applicants having the same qualifications were asked to take a test by the department manager. Upon completion of the test both men only missed one of the questions. The manager went … Read more
Two guys are driving through Texas when they get pulled over by a state trooper. The trooper walks up, taps on the window with his nightstick, the driver rolls down the window, and the trooper smacks him in the head with the stick. The driver says, “Why’d you do that? The trooper says, “You’re in … Read more
Q: What is your date of birth? A: July fifteenth. Q: What year? A: Every year. Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. Q: This myasthenia gravis — does it affect your memory at all? A: Yes. Q: And in what ways does it affect … Read more
For my birthday this year my wife bought me a week of private lessons at the local health club. Though still in great shape from when I was on the varsity chess team in high school, I decided it was a good idea to go ahead and try it. I called and made reservations with … Read more
So it seems that these four rabbis had a series of theological arguments, and three were always in accord against the fourth. One day, the odd rabbi out, after the usual “3 to 1, majority rules” statement that signified that he had lost again, decided to appeal to a higher authority. “Oh, God!” he cried. … Read more
A little old lady gets onto a crowded bus and stands in front of a seated young girl. Holding her hand to her chest, she says to the girl, “If you knew what I have, you would give me your seat.” The girl gets up and gives up her the seat to the old lady. … Read more
A man in a state of excessive inebriation rolled up at a fairground rifle range booth and threw down the necessary money. The booth operator at first refused to let him have a turn, considering that his inebriated state would endanger the public. But the drunk insisted and was given a gun. He aimed unsteadily … Read more
Did you hear about the dyslexic Satanist? He sold his soul to Santa How do crazy people go through the forest? They take the psycho path. What did the fish say when he hit a concrete wall? “Dam”. What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long? Polaroids. What do prisoners use to … Read more
We are Microsoft. Resistance Is Futile. You Will Be Assimilated. A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory. Horn broken, watch for finger. The more you complain, the longer God lets you live. If at first you do succeed, try not to look astonished. Help wanted – telepath: you know where to apply … Read more
A pious man who had reached the age of 105 suddenly stopped going to synagogue. Alarmed by the old fellow’s absence after so many years of faithful attendance the Rabbi went to see him. He found him in excellent health, so the Rabbi asked, “How come after all these years we don’t see you at … Read more