Onward and Upward!
Q: My Etch-A-Sketch has all of these funny little lines all over the screen. A: Pick it up and shake it. Q: How do I turn my Etch-A-Sketch off? A: Pick it up and shake it. Q: What’s the shortcut for Undo? A: Pick it up and shake it. Q: How do I create a … Read more
A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. He is so proud of himself that he starts calling his wife “Mother of Six” in spite of her objections. One night they go to a party…. The man decides that it’s time to go home, and wants to find out if his … Read more
Late one evening, a man showed some friends his apartment. One guest asked “What’s that big brass basin for?” “That’s the talking clock,” answered the man. He gave it an ear shattering pounding with a hammer. Suddenly, a voice on the other side of the wall screamed, “Knock it off, it’s 2 a.m., you idiot!”
Three sons of a Yiddishe Mama left their homeland, went abroad and prospered. They discussed the gifts they were able to give their old mother. AVRAHAM, the first, said: “I built a big house for our mother.” MOISHE, the second, said: “I sent her a Mercedes with a driver.” DAVID, the youngest, said: “You remember … Read more
There once was a young person named Little Red Riding Hood who lived on the edge of a large forest full of endangered owls and rare plants that would probably provide a cure for cancer if only someone took the time to study them.. Red Riding Hood lived with a nurture giver whom she sometimes … Read more
Scene: A courtroom in Oklahoma where a person is on trial for murder. There is strong evidence indicating guilt; however, there is no corpse. In the defense’s closing statement the lawyer, knowing that his client is guilty and that it looks like he’ll probably be convicted, resorts to a clever trick. “Ladies and Gentleman of … Read more
A letter home from school Dear Dad, $chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard. With all my $tuff, I $imply can’t think of anything I need, $o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you. Love, Your … Read more
A linguistics professor was lecturing to his class one day. “In English,” he said, “a double negative forms a positive. In some languages though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However,” he pointed out, “there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative.” A voice from the back … Read more
Three old ladies are sitting in a diner, chatting about various things. One lady says, “You know, I’m getting really forgetful. This morning, I was standing at the top of the stairs, and I couldn’t remember whether I had just come up or was about to go down.” The second lady says, “You think that’s … Read more
They were the first to attempt to colonize Mars. They had landed with grass seeds to plant and horse, sheep and cattle embryos. But the grass wouldn’t grow and none of the calves would survive. The horses and sheep were doing well, but there were not enough to meet their needs. So they sent a … Read more