Humor

A North Carolina man, having bought several expensive cigars, insured them against… get this… fire. After he had smoked them, he then decided that he had a claim against the insurance company and filed. The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason that the man had consumed the cigar normally. The man sued. … Read more

Every year ga-zillions of visitors flock to the District of Columbia to soak up the majesty of the nation’s capitol. You’ll notice they stop frequently in heavy traffic to consult the map, hail taxicabs in the middle of the Teddy Roosevelt bridge, drop ice cream on the Metro and leave it there, form lines for … Read more

1. A few clowns short of a circus. 2. A few fries short of a Happy Meal. 3. An experiment in Artificial Stupidity. 4. A few beers short of a six-pack. 5. Dumber than a box of hair. 6. A few peas short of a casserole. 7. Doesn’t have all her Corn Flakes in one … Read more

And the Lord spoke to Noah and said: “In six months I’m going to make it rain until the whole earth is covered with water and all the evil people are destroyed. But I want to save a few good people, and two of every kind of living thing on the planet. I am ordering … Read more

An American and an English officer were in the Officers’ Mess having a few drinks. After several of them, they hit on the idea to make the following (gentleman’s) bet: The one who could tell the biggest lie would win. They drew straws, and the American officer got to start: “Well,” he says, “there once … Read more

Forrest Gump dies and goes to heaven. He is greeted by St. Peter. St. Peter says “Heaven is so full that we have to give you an entrance exam to come in.” Forrest replies, ” I shore hope it isn’t too hard I’m not very good at tests.” St. Peter says: “First question, how many … Read more

This man was painting the church one Saturday to get it nice and spiffy for services on Sunday. He had two sides of the church done when he realized that he didn’t have quite enough paint to finish. Since he was many miles from where he could buy more paint and he was running out … Read more

I want to thank you, Lord, for being close to me so far this day. With Your help, I haven’t been impatient, lost my temper, been grumpy, judgmental or envious of anyone. But I will be getting out of bed soon and I think I will really need your help then.

A large, well established, Canadian lumber camp advertised that they were looking for a good Lumberjack. The very next day, a skinny little man showed up at the camp with his axe, and knocked on the head lumberjacks’ door. The head lumberjack took one look at the little man and told him to leave. “Just … Read more

Moses: And God came down from the heavens, and he said unto the Chicken, “Thou shalt cross the road.” And the Chicken crossed the road,and there was much rejoicing. Fox Mulder: You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross the road before you believe it? Richard … Read more