Securely ensconced in my own merit and goodness, I eventually found myself in a position to be the creator of my own belief system and my own judge of what was right and good, or wrong and bad. From that position, I could safely live however I wanted to, and simply draw back from anything that judged differently.
Very soon, that position pitched me down into a dark and dreary place, as I made choices that my heart condemned, even as my mind excused them. I stayed there for decades, running from the God who wouldn’t let me do whatever I wanted to do. I was securely snared in my need for my own goodness, and I had to be utterly broken before my eyes could be opened to the freedom, truth and beauty to be found in surrendering my Good Person status in favor of living under Christ’s grace and mercy.