Onward and Upward!
An American and an English officer were in the Officers’ Mess having a few drinks. After several of them, they hit on the idea to make the following (gentleman’s) bet: The one who could tell the biggest lie would win. They drew straws, and the American officer got to start: “Well,” he says, “there once … Read more
Forrest Gump dies and goes to heaven. He is greeted by St. Peter. St. Peter says “Heaven is so full that we have to give you an entrance exam to come in.” Forrest replies, ” I shore hope it isn’t too hard I’m not very good at tests.” St. Peter says: “First question, how many … Read more
This man was painting the church one Saturday to get it nice and spiffy for services on Sunday. He had two sides of the church done when he realized that he didn’t have quite enough paint to finish. Since he was many miles from where he could buy more paint and he was running out … Read more
I want to thank you, Lord, for being close to me so far this day. With Your help, I haven’t been impatient, lost my temper, been grumpy, judgmental or envious of anyone. But I will be getting out of bed soon and I think I will really need your help then.
A large, well established, Canadian lumber camp advertised that they were looking for a good Lumberjack. The very next day, a skinny little man showed up at the camp with his axe, and knocked on the head lumberjacks’ door. The head lumberjack took one look at the little man and told him to leave. “Just … Read more
Moses: And God came down from the heavens, and he said unto the Chicken, “Thou shalt cross the road.” And the Chicken crossed the road,and there was much rejoicing. Fox Mulder: You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross the road before you believe it? Richard … Read more
The woman applying for a job in a Florida lemon grove seemed way too qualified for the job. “Look Miss,” said the foreman, “have you any actual experience in picking lemons ?” “Well… as a matter if fact, Yes !” she replied. “I’ve been divorced three times.”
When Ma & Pa first arrived on the homestead Pa installed a bell on the front porch and told Ma if trouble comes while I’m out in the field a plowin’ then you just ring that bell and I’ll come a running. The next day Pa hears the bell and takes off for home. When … Read more
After the Revolution, Americans looked at the maple tree in a new light. To the eminent Philadelphia patriot and physician Benjamin Rush, maple sugar seemed perfectly tailored to the new republic. Here was a commodity that could compete in a global market, bolstering the independence of yeoman farmers, and demonstrating the superiority of free labor. … Read more
Testing yourself repeatedly before an exam teaches the brain to retrieve and apply knowledge from memory. The method is more effective than re-reading a textbook, says Jeffrey Karpicke, an assistant professor of psychological sciences at Purdue University. If you are facing a test on the digestive system, he says, practice explaining how it works from … Read more