Sharing the Ascension Experience
A farmer named Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with a pet dog he doted on. The dog finally died and Muldoon went to the parish priest and asked, “Father, the dog is dead. Could you be saying a mass for the creature?” Father Patrick replied, “No, we cannot have services for an animal … Read more
Two cab drivers met. “Hey,” asked one, “what’s the idea of painting one side of your cab red and the other side blue?” “Well,” the other responded, “when I get into an accident, you should see how all the witnesses contradict each other.”
An old farmer decided it was time to get a new rooster for his hens. The current rooster was still doing an okay job, but he was getting on in years. And the farmer figured getting a new rooster couldn’t hurt anything. So he buys a young cock from the local rooster emporium, and turns … Read more
A lady from Chicago was visiting New York City. Her hostess was determined to make the Midwesterner feel cheap and unimportant. “My dear,” said the New York matron snobbishly, “here in the East we think breeding is everything.” “Oh, I don’t know,” the lady from the Midwest replied. “Out where I come from we think … Read more
A psychiatrist’s secretary walks into his study and says, “There’s a gentleman in the waiting room asking to see you. Claims he’s invisible.” The psychiatrist responds, “Tell him I can’t see him.”
Seems there were these three professionals sitting around talking about the oldest profession (no, not THAT one!). The Doctor says, “Well, the Bible says that God took a rib out of Adam to make woman. Since that clearly required surgery, then the oldest profession is surely medicine.” The Engineer shakes his head and replies, “No, … Read more
What is black and brown and looks good on a lawyer? A Doberman. Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons? If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever. Lawyer’s creed: A man is innocent until proven broke. What … Read more
Questions from lawyers taken from official court records Was that the same nose you broke as a child? Q: What happened then? A: He told me, he says, ‘I have to kill you because you can identify me.’ Q: Did he kill you? How long have you been a French Canadian? Do you have any … Read more
A Briton, a Frenchman and a Russian are viewing a painting of Adam and Eve frolicking in the Garden of Eden. “Look at their reserve, their calm,” muses the Brit. “They must be British.” “Nonsense,” the Frenchman disagrees. “They’re naked, and so beautiful. Clearly, they are French.” “No clothes, no shelter,” the Russian points out, … Read more