Sharing the Ascension Experience
If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port, and the bus is interrupted as a very last resort, and the address of the memory makes your plotty disk abort, then the socket packet pocket has an error to report. If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash, and … Read more
There was this quiet, conservative man who happened to own a parrot. Unfortunately for the man, this parrot swore like a sailor. He would swear for five minutes straight without repeating himself. This bird’s foul mouth was driving the man crazy. One day, it just got to be too much. The guy grabbed the bird … Read more
A tiny but dignified old lady was among a group looking at an art exhibition in a newly opened gallery. Suddenly one contemporary painting caught her eye. “What on earth,” she inquired of the artist standing nearby, “is that?” He smiled condescendingly. “That, my dear lady, is supposed to be a mother and her child.” … Read more
This past fall semester, at Yale University, there were two sophomores who were taking organic chemistry. They did pretty well on the labs, the quizzes and the mid-terms. So well that the weekend before finals week, even though the chem final was on Monday, they decided to go up to Harvard and party with some … Read more
A thermodynamics professor had written a take home exam for his graduate students. It had one question: “Is hell exothermic or endothermic? Support your answer with a proof.” Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle’s Law or some variant. One student, however wrote the following: First, we postulate that if souls … Read more
1. The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity. 2. If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you. 3. Money can’t buy happiness. But it sure makes misery easier to live with. 4. Deja Moo: The feeling that you’ve heard this bull before. 5. Psychiatrists say that 1 … Read more
An elderly couple were experiencing declining memories, so they decided to take a power memory class, where they teach you to remember things by association. Later, the man was talking to a neighbor about how much the class helped him. “Who was the instructor?” asked the neighbor. “Oh, let’s see,” pondered the man. “Umm…what’s that … Read more
Twas the night before Christmas and all through la casa Not a creature was stirring; !Caramba! ?Que pasa? Los nin~os were all tucked away in their camas, Some in vestidos, and some in pijamas, While Mama worked late in her little cocina, El Viejo was down at the corner cantina. The stockings were hanging con … Read more
Before going home for Christmas … Go to the back of your closet, and take out those ugly sweaters and shirts that your parents gave you last Christmas. Then toss them into the washer with a few large stones, or run a sanding block over them a few times. Make sure that they look old … Read more
I am hereby officially tendering my resignation as an adult. I have decided I would like to accept the responsibilities of an 8 year-old again. I want to go to McDonald’s and think that it’s a four-star restaurant. I want to sail sticks across a fresh mud puddle and make a sidewalk with rocks. I … Read more
