Ascension Cafe

A farmer walked into an attorney’s office wanting to file for a divorce. The attorney asked, “May I help you?” The farmer said, “Yea, I want to get one of those dayvorce’s.” The attorney said, “Well, do you have any grounds?” The farmer said, “Yea, I got about 140 acres.” The attorney said, “No, you … Read more

When Bill and Hillary first got married, Bill said, “I am putting a box under the bed. You must promise never to look in it.” In all their years of marriage, Hillary never looked. However, on a recent afternoon, curiosity got the best of her so she lifted the lid and peeked inside. In the … Read more

Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies, and they all wrote in hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert and traveled by Camelot. The climate of the Sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere, so certain areas of the dessert are cultivated by irritation. The pyramids are a range of mountains between France … Read more

Best Rum Cake Ever #ratingval# from #reviews# reviews Print Recipe Type: Dessert Author: Rummie Prep time: 30 mins Cook time: 1 min Total time: 31 mins Serves: 1 Ingredients 1 or 2 quarts of rum 1 c dried fruit brown sugar 1 c butter 1 tsp soda nuts 1 tsp sugar lemon juice baking powder … Read more

The heaviest element known to science was recently discovered by Boeing physicists. The element, tentatively named Administratium, has no protons or electrons and thus has an atomic number of 0. However, it does have 1 neutron, 125 assistant neutrons, 75 vice neutrons and 111 assistant vice neutrons. This gives it an atomic mass of 312. … Read more

Did you hear about the ninety year old man who streaked the two little old ladies? One of the ladies said “I don’t know either, but whatever it was, it sure needed ironing.”

What’s this C=}>*{)) A drunk,devilish chef with a toupee in an updraft, a mustache, and a double chin.

Ireland’s worst air disaster occurred today when a small two-seater Cessna 152 crashed into a cemetery early this afternoon outside limerick. Local search and rescue workers have recovered 300 bodies so far and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the evening.

Welcome to the LoveMaker! (v3.1 Erosoft Industries, (c) 1993) At the prompt, please enter your response. I am the LOVEMAKER. A personalized, interactive poetry assistance program. What is your name? >JOHN What a nice name, JOHN. You must be a man. >YES How nice for you. Who is your poem for, JOHN? >SHEILA How nice … Read more

1. Never slap a man who’s chewing tobacco. 2. Never kick a cow chip on a hot day. 3. There are 2 theories to arguing with a woman…neither works. 4. Never miss a good chance to shut up. 5. Always drink upstream from the herd. 6. If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging. … Read more