Ascension Cafe

Did you hear about the ninety year old man who streaked the two little old ladies? One of the ladies said “I don’t know either, but whatever it was, it sure needed ironing.”

What’s this C=}>*{)) A drunk,devilish chef with a toupee in an updraft, a mustache, and a double chin.

Ireland’s worst air disaster occurred today when a small two-seater Cessna 152 crashed into a cemetery early this afternoon outside limerick. Local search and rescue workers have recovered 300 bodies so far and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the evening.

Welcome to the LoveMaker! (v3.1 Erosoft Industries, (c) 1993) At the prompt, please enter your response. I am the LOVEMAKER. A personalized, interactive poetry assistance program. What is your name? >JOHN What a nice name, JOHN. You must be a man. >YES How nice for you. Who is your poem for, JOHN? >SHEILA How nice … Read more

1. Never slap a man who’s chewing tobacco. 2. Never kick a cow chip on a hot day. 3. There are 2 theories to arguing with a woman…neither works. 4. Never miss a good chance to shut up. 5. Always drink upstream from the herd. 6. If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging. … Read more

HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY? You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming. – Alan, age 10 (going on 40?) No person really decides before they grow up who … Read more