The heaviest element known to science was recently discovered by
Boeing physicists. The element, tentatively named Administratium, has no
protons or electrons and thus has an atomic number of 0. However, it does
have 1 neutron, 125 assistant neutrons, 75 vice neutrons and 111 assistant
vice neutrons. This gives it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles
are held together by a force that involves the continuous exchange of
meson-like particles called morons.
Since it has no electrons, Administratium is inert. However, it can be
detected chemically as it impedes every reaction it comes in contact with.
According to the discoverers, a minute amount of Administratium caused one
reaction to take over four days to complete when it would have normally
occurred in less than one second. Administratium has a normal half-life of
approximately three years, at which time it does not actually decay but
instead undergoes a reorganization in which assistant neutrons, vice
neutrons and assistant vice neutrons exchange places. Some studies have
shown that the atomic mass actually increases after each reorganization.
Research at other laboratories indicates that Administratium occurs
naturally in the atmosphere. It tends to concentrate at certain newest,
best appointed and best maintained buildings. Scientists point out that
Administratium is known to be toxic at any level of concentration and can
easily destroy any productive reaction where it is allowed to accumulate.
Attempts are being made to determine how Administratium can be controlled
to prevent irreversible damage, but results to date are not promising.