Hello…..Welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline…….
If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly;
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2;
If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5 and 6;
If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just
stay on the phone until we can trace your call;
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you
which number to press;
If you are manic-depressive, it doesn’t matter which number you press, no
one will answer anyway.