Humor

Alles Touristen und Non-Technischen Looken Peepers! Das machinkontrol is nicht for gefengerpoken und mittengrabben. Oderwise is easy schnappen der springenverk, blowenfus, und poppencorken mit spitzensparken. Der Machine is Diggen by Experten Only! Is nicht fur geverken by das dumpkopfen. Das rubber necken sightseenen keepen das cotton-picken hands in das pockets. So relaxen, und vatchen das … Read more

A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor’s office. After his check-up the doctor called the wife into the office alone. He said, “If you don’t do the following, your husband will surely die.” 1. Each morning fix him a healthy breakfast. 2. Be pleasant and make sure he is in a good mood. 3. … Read more

Hello…..Welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline……. If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly; If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2; If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5 and 6; If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the phone until we … Read more

Collards is green, my dog’s name is Blue and I’m so lucky to have a sweet thang like you. Yore hair is like cornsilk a-flappin in the breeze. Softer than Blue’s and without all them fleas. You move like a bass, which excite me in May. You ain’t got scales but I luv you anyway. … Read more

SCHIZOPHRENIA: Do you Hear What I Hear? MULTIPLE PERSONALITY DISORDER: We Three Queens Disoriented Are DEMENTIA: I Think I’ll Be Home for Christmas NARCISSISTIC: Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me MANIC: Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Busses and Trucks … Read more

When the moon hits your eye Like a big pizza pie That’s amore. When an eel bites your hand And that’s not what you planned That’s a moray. When our habits are strange And our customs deranged That’s our mores. When your horse munches straw And the bales total four That’s some more hay. When … Read more

(Sung to the tune of God Rest Ye Merry Gentleman) “Diety of choice, or simply Nature rest ye merry gentle (yet strong and capable) people, let nothing you dismay; Remember, a figure of history and literature to whom some attribute deity-like characteristics was born upon this day, To save those of us who believe in … Read more

Judi is speaking to her psychiatrist. Judi: “I’m on the road a lot, and my clients are complaining that they can never reach me.” Psychiatrist: “Don’t you have a phone in your car?” J: “That was a little too expensive, so I did the next best thing. I put a mailbox in my car. P: … Read more

The major newspapers, recently published a new photograph of distant galaxies colliding. Of course, astronomers have had pictures of colliding galaxies for quite some time now, but with the vastly improved resolution provided by the latest Space Telescope, you can actually see the lawyers rushing to the scene. . .